I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
