you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
