He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
