she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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