Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
