I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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