covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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