I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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