Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
