So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
