Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
