is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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