dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
How external is "for external use only"?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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