She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
