Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
