Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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