I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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