After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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