the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
