well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
