thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
