I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
