hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
