just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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