If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
