Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
This house was built for laser tag.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
