I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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