I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
