And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
