his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
