Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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