I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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