I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Church boner. Awkwardddd
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
