I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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