Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
