I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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