I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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