I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
