he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
