can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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