Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
