Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
