She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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