You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
