There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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