How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
