My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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