I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think I am morally bankrupt
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
