the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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