My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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